Reflections on the Dying Christians

I've been really burdened with spiritual brokenness today. I had a meeting with a supervisor today, and we just talked about stories of Christians who are folding under the weight of sin and other spiritual burdens. It makes me think of how many Christian friends we interact with on a daily basis who may have hidden sins that we never know about. And, here we are, the church, putting on the facade that we have it all together while a number of us are internally dying. Is this the kind of community that God has envisioned for us? Absolutely not! I just don't know what to do about it. How do we create a community where people are truly free to reveal their burdens and sins and find hope, restoration, and encouragement?

See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first. Hebrews 3:12-14

Reflections on Respect My Fertilitah!

You may want to file this one under "too much information". Just so you know, I did clear all of this with Kathi before I posted. If there are any other married couples who are dealing with this issue, we hope that this will be an encouragement to you.

When Kathi and I got married, it was almost assumed (by me anyway) that she would be going on the Pill. And, that's what she did. There were some initial questions and concerns, but I more or less ignored those and we went ahead with birth control. Well, ever since we started, Kathi has never felt at ease with taking it. There's always been that lingering doubt in the back of her mind of whether the Pill is abortive or not and whether there is a any substantial cancer risk.

Recently, they issued a complete recall on the off-brand contraceptive that she had been taking. We never really found out why, which doesn't help our confidence in the pharmaceutical industry. Anyway, she had to take the brand-name pill instead. For some reason that caused a whole other level of difficulties. This new pill has made her very susceptible to migraines and just generally makes her crazy. She knew that she had to stop!

Well, I wasn't so supportive at first. I was very reluctant to even think about the possibility of going off the Pill. What's sad is that it simply came down to selfishness. The Pill is the easy answer. I don't have to worry about babies coming in and interrupting my life! But, as I saw more and more how it was affecting her, I knew that we had to do something.

So, we recently decided to go off the Pill completely. We're going to give Natural Family Planning a go and see what happens. Basically, this is a highly developed method to track a women's fertility using temperature, cervical mucus, other bodily symptoms. You can also buy devices that will measure the various hormones to determine when you're ovulating. Apparently, if done well, it can be very effective. Or, I could be a father within a year...I guess we'll see.

We simply feel relieved to be doing this. I'm not saying that the Pill is inherently wrong (although there is still no conclusive evidence saying that it's not abortive), but my attitude towards it was. It meant a selfish, responsibility-free sex life. My heart was not honoring to the Lord or to my wife. But, now that we're going through with it, it's definitely scary. We're not exactly in a position in life where having a child would be good. But, we're going to give this Natural Family Planning method a whirl and leave the rest in God's hands.

Reflections on Too Tired...Go Away

So sleepy...that's me alright...only not Asian as the picture might suggest. I'm really pathetic right now. I'm only two weeks into my grueling schedule, and I'm already faltering. I have six more weeks of class, plus a Masters thesis that I haven't started writing yet. Please pray for Kathi and I. It's hard on both of us since I'm not at home most of the time. It's also been difficult to have times of communion and fellowship with God. Since I'm usually busy from the time I get up till I go to bed, the only option for devotions is getting up earlier. And, we all know how ridiculous that is. Right Randy? This guy knows what I'm talking about.

Reflections on Tournament Angst

I don't even know why I bother filling out a NCAA Tournament bracket. The exercise is completely pointless. Every year I get all jazzed up about it, watch the first round, get angry, and then ignore the rest of the games. George Mason, indeed.

In other news, as of Friday afternoon it became official. I've quit my job. My last day will be on August 10th. It will end my association with Trinity International University that began back in 2001. Five years and all I got was this lousy Masters degree.

Reflections on My Islam Class

A few weeks ago I started a class at Trinity on Islam. It is absolutely fascinating and I'm loving it. The professor was raised in a Muslim family in Saudi Arabia, but as a young man came to faith in Christ. Needless to say, he has tremendous knowledge on the subject. The biggest encouragement I've gotten from studying so far has been the realization that there are substantial bridges between Christianity and Islam. Even though Muslims have enormous mental, spiritual, and emotional obstacles to faith in Jesus, there is common ground to build upon.

Also, I'm not sure if any of you are following this, but currently there is a man in Afghanistan who converted to Christianity and is now being tried for apostasy. If he's convicted, he will face death by beheading. It's making international news (even though this happens frequently in many Muslim countries). Pray for this man. His name is Abdul Rahman. You can check out more about it on CNN and BBC.

Reflections on Brian McCollister

Those of you who were in Crusade at OU may remember this one. There was a skit where Randy and a few others reenacted the old Bill Brasky sketch from SNL only they replaced Bill Brasky with Brian McCollister (our campus director). Kathi said she almost peed her pants when she first saw it.

[a la Bill Brasky skit]: One time I was with Brian McCollister in the back of a pickup truck when we came across a deer. McCollister goes up to the deer and says, "Say my name, deer!" Then he manipulates the lips of the deer in such a way as to make it say "MriamMcMollistr"...it wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer.

Guess you had to be there. We were remembering that this weekend, and we laughed.

Reflections on Weddings and Guns

There were some problems with Blogger the past couple of days, but I think we're back online. Well, this weekend Kathi and I were back in Ohio for a wedding. My good friend Emily Fedorka is now Emily Brown. It was fun to watch her get married. What made it special was seeing how child-like and giddy she was.

I was also a little envious though. God clearly worked in some unbelievable ways to bring Emily together with Josh, and I began to lament how I never had an experience like that. But, that just exposes a particular weakness I have; namely, I have a bad habit of unfairly comparing myself with other people. The truth is that I did have an experience of God bringing me together with an amazing woman. While the details of how Kathi and I came together are markedly different, the result was no less miraculous. That experience is more special to me than anything I could conjure up on my own.

Going to the wedding, however, was not the highlight of the weekend. Kathi, myself, Brian, and Karin all stayed at Kathi's parent's house over the weekend. They live on a farm south of Canton. Sunday morning Kathi's dad took all of us out shooting. We each took turns firing a .22 rifle at a milk jug. It made for some pretty sweet pictures. I put them all in my Fun Pictures photo album, so click here to check them out.

Reflections on Los Gringos

Brian and Karin decided to delay their arrival into Chicago by a day. They weren't too keen on driving 16 hours Wednesday night. So, they got into town yesterday afternoon. We basically hung out, went to Olive Garden, watched some basketball/USA losing to Mexico. It's been good to have them here.

Today, Kathi and I are heading back to her parent's place for the weekend. We're going to go see my friend, Emily Fedorka, get married on Saturday.

And speaking of sports, all USA had to do was beat Mexico...MEXICO!!! For crying out loud, people. By losing, not only does the United States relinquish baseball respectability, but we have given our friends south of the border more reason to mock and ridicule us. Gringos indeed. And another thing. What was the deal with all the hype surrounding Syracuse? Oh, well.

Reflections on the Coming of Flo

Tonight my best friend, Brian Flora, and his wife Karin are going to be arriving at our place. They're on their way back to Ohio after support raising on the West Coast. I'm really excited to see him. I met Brian all the way back during our freshman year at Ohio University. We became friends because we were both in the men's choir and we both enjoyed funny movies (even now we can carry on a conversation using nothing but movie or Simpsons quotes). We shared a room in Bryan Hall during our Sophomore and Junior years, and it was during that time that he was instrumental in me coming to faith. Even though we've gone our separate paths, we still talk to each other at least once every couple of weeks.

The plan is to hang out for a couple of days before the four of us head back together to Ohio for a wedding this weekend. It's going to be a good time.

Reflections on Sicky McGee

Thought I'd give a big Happy Birthday to my sister, Erin! Yesterday she celebrated a quarter of a century! I hope that she had a great day. The picture is of us when we were younger playing dress-up. It's become one of my favorite pictures of Erin and I. We had a very rocky relationship when we were younger, and it reminds me that we actually did get along occassionally. Love you, Erin!

Our last day in Germany, I started to getting sick. Now, I'm in the throws of a full head cold. Not too pleasant.

Reflections on Our Germany Trip, Part Six

We couldn't have asked for a better trip. God opened our hearts to the reality that He is leading us into the mission field. That is a scary thing. We are so indebted to the Cologne team who shared their lives and ministries with us for a week. Thanks Adam, Bethel, Jared, Lori, and Carsten!

Discerning God's will is a tricky business. Some believe that it's impossible while others take it to the point of obsession. Well, Kathi and I fall some where in the middle. We do believe that God can and does give direction for our individual lives. However, sometimes He doesn't, and most of all He desires that we exercise the wisdom given to us by the Holy Spirit.

With that said, so many things happened this weekend that left us confident that God wants us to continue pursuing missions in Cologne. Immediately, we connected with the other people on the team. Their vision for spiritual multiplication is so in line with our passions in ministry. God spoke to Kathi's heart about how He is calling her to minister whereever she is at.

Our conversation with Herb, the GEM Germany director, at the retreat in Frankfurt was a turning point. He was so encouraging, and that conversation blessed us so much. Through that talk, Kathi and I remembered something that we had forgotten...that we can't imagine ourselves doing anything but sharing Christ's love with those who need Him. He showed us that we can do that in this ministry.

There's so much more that He did during this week. In fact, reading over this post, I realize I didn't come close at communicate it. Well, clarity is the price of (relative) brevity. Continue to pray for us as we go forward with process of becoming missionaries.

Click here to look at our pictures from the trip.

Reflections on Our Germany Trip, Part Five

Today was our last day in Cologne. Tomorrow we flight out in the morning for Chicago. The conference we went to a few days ago was wonderful. It was a great opportunity for us to see the big picture of Greater Europe Mission's ministry in Germany. I'll go into more detail about how God spoke to us through our time there. Today we went to a soccer game in Cologne between the hometown 1. FC Koeln and the 1. FC Nuernberg. Cologne played horribly and lost 3-4. Anyway, thanks again for all of your prayers and support. I'll write a more detailed entry on Monday after Kathi and I have had a chance to sleep 18 hours.

Reflections on Our Germany Trip, Part Four

We've been having luck the past few days with the weather, but today the typical German spring finally showed its face. It was gross and rainy most of the day, but regardless we headed down to Bonn, which is 30 minutes south of Cologne. We spent a few hours walking around and hanging out in a cafe. We also took a tour of Beethoven's birth house.

It's been amazing to see how God has been removing some of the doubts and concerns we been having about coming here. He's begun to implant a vision of how He could use us in Cologne. But, along with that, it's also been a serious reality check. No longer is becoming a missionary this romantic and exciting ideal. It's become clear that it will be so hard, and it's difficult to admit that I don't have it myself to do this.

Anyway, thanks for all of you who have been following this journey of ours. Tomorrow, we head off to Frankfurt for a night to meet with some of the regional directors of Greater Europe Mission. They're coincidentally meeting down there for a retreat. This will be an opportunity to get a big picture of what is going on Europe-wide.

Reflections on Our Germany Trip, Part Three

Yesterday, we spent most of the day wondering around Cologne, looking at churches, and drinking a few beers. In the afternoon we met with an old friend who I worked with when I lived here. Then we had dinner with Jared and Lori, who are two of the team members here. We had such a great time. We were able to talk about so many things, whether that be our passions, stuggles, or dreams. It was such an encouraging evening.

Most of all though, we talked about their ministry here in Cologne. For the first time since we started exploring the possibility of coming to Germany, God started to give us a vision for how we could specifically be used in this ministry. Jared and Lori shared their passions for reaching the marginalized and forgotten people - those who would never step inside a church.

One group of people who are particularily marginalized in Germany are Turks. They make up more than 10% of the population of Cologne, but they are frequently looked down upon by most here. It struck me that I could use my love of languages to learn Turkish and develop relationships with people from that background.

Kathi was also struck with how she could minister here. There are numerous music opportunities here in Cologne, which Kathi could easily get involved in to get to know people and be a witness. Kathi was amazed that she finally had a reason for having studied music for six years!

Anyway, we're definitely excited about these possibilities, but the flip side is that this experience is quickly taking away any illusions about this being fun or easy! That in itself makes me want to run away. Pray that God would help to be faithful to where he wants us, not necessarily where we want to be.

Reflections on Our Germany Trip, Part Two

We made it! We arrived yesterday in the evening. It was a rough trip though. We couldn't sleep very well on the plane. While waiting for our connection at Heathrow, I had a pint and almost fell asleep in the airport pub. Today we're going to take in the city of Cologne a little bit. We're also going to stop by the school I used to teach at and see some old teacher friends of mine. Thanks for all of your prayers!

Reflections on Our Germany Trip, Part One

The time is upon us! In about eleven hours, Kathi and I will be on a plane bound for Deutschland! Our flight leaves tonight at around 9:00, and we'll fly into London Heathrow for a long layover. The plane taking us from London won't arrive in Cologne until around 6:00 in the evening on Sunday. Needless to say, we're pretty excited. Continue to pray for us while we're there.

Big shout out to Betsy Nees who's dropping us off at O'Hare tonight, as well as Neal Herr who will be picking us up next Sunday! Thanks guys! We'll bring you back some Haribo or some Birkenstocks or something...

We'll be posting updates and some pictures hopefully thoughout the week. Auf Wiedersehen!

Reflections on Being Garbage, Part Two

I couldn't get to sleep last night because I was thinking a lot about our trip. But, I also reflected more on being made the "refuse of the world". Just to clarify, I don't thing Christians should develop large martyr complexes because of a little deirision or suffering. The last thing I want is for us to glorify suffering or descend into a self-pitying victim mentality. But, we should be willing to endure derision with patience and humility knowing that the hope we have in being united with Christ far outweighs anything that might happen to us in this life. I'm so touched by Paul writing in his last letter before his martyrdom:

For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day - and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. (2 Timothy 4:6-8)

What a great verse. By being made garbage, Paul became the fertile ground out of which sprung so much fruit. I'm so amazed.

Reflections on Being Garbage, Part One

Well, I'm back. We had some wonderful times of spiritual refreshing the past couple of days. Thanks for all of your prayers. One of the things we decided to do was to turn the TV off for a couple of days. It's amazing how much time you have when you stop watching television. To fill some of the time, I finished a book that I had been working on: Shusaku Endo's Silence. It was one of the best books I've read in a long time.

The story centers around a Jesuit missionary to Japan during the devastating persecutions of Christians in that country during the early-1600's. He's captured and is tortured for his faith. I won't spoil it. Just read it. It's good.

Anyway, the story really connected with something that I had been reading in Scripture. In 1 Corinthians 4, Paul speaks at length about the sufferings that he's had to endure as an apostle of Christ. Toward the end of these descriptions he says that he has been made the "refuse of the world." But, he is undaunted because he has suffered it all for the sake of the elect.

This passage combined with Endo's story raise a great question in my mind. Am I willing to be trod upon as Jesus was? It's hard to answer that in an American Christian culture that fumes and protests at any attempt to take away our rights as believers. The Gospel reality though is that those who follow Christ also follow in His sufferings. Are we willing to be called garbage for Jesus' sake? That's a tough question. Anyway, I would love to hear anyone's thoughts on this.